Y. B. Gippenreiter To communicate with a child – Like?

The first edition of this book quickly sold out, which confirmed the great need of our readers in the acquisition of knowledge and practical skills to help you better communicate with children.

Admire the exceptional willingness of people to work seriously to create psychological well-being of their children and families, despite the economic upheavals and stresses of our modern life. Specialists of the “helping professions” — practical psychologists, psychotherapists, social workers and teachers — which now is growing fast become an indispensable part of this process.

The author was nice and important to receive wonderful feedback on the usefulness of books from different circles of readers — parents and teachers referred to professionals working with families and children, teachers, training of these professionals, and even (which was especially a pleasant surprise) by the teenagers.

The positive reception of the book was forced to continue to think over its contents: what else would be useful to include?

Some results of these reflections are reflected in this publication. First of all, it includes entirely new material devoted to the “layers” of our emotional life, self-esteem and its pivotal role in the life of a child and an adult. This was the content of the new, tenth lesson. It is a systematized practical conclusions from all previous lessons.

Further, the book includes a few new boxes with a description of the studies and examples which help to enrich the content of the lessons (see lessons 4, 9 and 10).

Finally, we must mention a new publishing and artistic design of this publication.

Want to offer sincere thanks to the artist G. A. Karaseva for their sensitivity to all the wishes of the author and masterful creative embodiment in the drawings and the layout of the book.

My constant deep gratitude to T. V. Sorokina for the tremendous hard work of literary editing of both editions of the book, as well as for his constant enthusiasm, which was very supportive in the process of working on the book.

Prof. Y. B. Gippenreiter Moscow, 1997

Is it possible for something to fix? How?

How to build a normal relationship with the child?

How to get him to obey?

Can I fix the relationship if they’re at an impasse?

The practice of education is replete with such “eternal” questions. Can psychology to help parents, teachers, caregivers in their decision?

Of course, it can. In recent decades, psychologists have made a number of remarkable discoveries. One of them is about the importance of communication style with the child to develop his or her personality.

Now became the undisputed truth that communication is as necessary to a child as food. The kid that gets good nutrition and good medical care, but deprived of regular contact with an adult, not developing, not only mentally, but also physically: he is not growing, lose weight, lose interest in life.

Analysis of numerous cases of death of babies in orphanages in America and Europe after the first world war — cases, with only one unexplained medical point of view, has led scientists to the conclusion that the reason is the unmet need of children in psychological contact, that is in the care, attention and care from close adult,

This conclusion made a huge impression on specialists: doctors, teachers, psychologists. Communication problems began to attract the attention of scientists.

If we continue the comparison with food, we can say that communication can be not only healthy, but also malicious. Bad food poisons the body; improper communication “poisons” the psyche of the child endangers his mental health, emotional well-being, and subsequently, of course, and his fate.

The “problem”, “hard”, “naughty” and “impossible” children as children “complexes”, “hammered” or “poor” is always the result of wrong attitudes in the family.

World practice of psychological assistance to children and their parents showed that even very difficult problems of education solvable if it is possible to restore a favorable style of communication in the family.

The main features of this style were defined as a result of a huge work of psychologists, humanists, theorists and practitioners. One of the founders of humanistic psychology — the famous American psychologist Carl Rogers called it “student centered”, that is, putting into the spotlight the personality of the person with whom you are communicating right now.

Humanistic approach to human and human relations amounted ideological basis of this book. He is opposed to the authoritarian style of parenting, which has long existed in our schools and families. Humanism in education is based primarily on the understanding of the child’s needs and, on the knowledge of regularities of the growth and development of his personality. The style of communication, with whom you will meet in this book is based on such knowledge.

Before proceeding to the main content will inform you about one very important regularities discovered by practical psychologists.

It turned out that the majority of those parents who seek psychological help for difficult children themselves in childhood suffered from conflicts with their own parents. Experts came to the conclusion that the parent’s interaction involuntarily “is written” (imprinted) in the child’s mind. This happens very early, before school age, and usually unconsciously.

As an adult, a person plays it like a natural. Thus from generation to generation is social inheritance of the style of communication: the majority of parents raise their children the way they themselves were raised in childhood.

“To me no one was busy, and nothing grew,” says dad, not noticing that he had grown up-he is just a man who feels the need and is not able to deal with the son, to build warm friendships.

The other part is the parents are more or less aware of what exactly is the right education, but in practice is experiencing difficulties. It happens that the theoretical explanatory work carried out by psychologists and teachers with the best intentions, brings parents harm: they learn that doing “everything wrong”, try to act in a new way, quickly “break down”, losing confidence in their abilities, blame and brand themselves, and then pour out the frustration on children.

From all this it results in the conclusion: parents need not only to educate, but also to teach the correct ways of communicating with children.

That, and begin to engage in practical psychologists.

To learn, of course, the best in live communication. In many countries for decades, there are “communication courses”” for parents. In the USA only through such courses were hundreds of thousands of mothers, fathers, and teachers. And again opening: it appears that many parents are much more prepared to change the style of communication in the family than expected by psychologists. As a result of learning by adults is not only able to stop “cold war” with children, but also established a deep rapport.

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