Why lie to our children?
Parents notice the tendency of children to lie very early, almost from the moment the child begins to speak, the doctor said. However, young children often harmless lie: an exaggeration, easy boasting or just making up, which are known to be true are not. Those things parents often don’t pay attention. “And rightly so,” – says A. Ippolitov.
As for imagination, a child can even support in these endeavors, dream up together. “Children’s imaginations develop imagination, sense of humor, and abstract thinking – the qualities in adult life a person can simply divide”.
Baby brag too need to communicate with their peers.
– Well, that remains to do for the child, if all peers start around the eternal game on “And at us in apartment gas, and you?”. Willy-nilly, or FIB, or look in the eyes of peers “black sheep” – a “loser”, as they say now.
According to the doctor, parents of children aged 2 to 5 years of age is often mistaken for a lie that really is not – say, if a child brings home someone else’s toy and says that the boy Kolya he gave it to me, but, in the end, it turns out that he is her “squeezed” out of the sandbox.
– Children at this age tends to believe what they want, therefore it is impossible in this case to scold your son or daughter and, especially, to call him a “thief” or “thief”. The child may believe it. And stay that way for a long time, well, the thief has no choice but to continue to steal. It is better to calmly explain to the child the main features that differentiates someone else from her. It should be remembered that the little man is often inclined to think its something he picked up.
The more complicated the process lies in children of the senior preschool and younger school age.
– These children discover that a lie can bear personal favor. Say, lies greatly helps to avoid punishment: “Who broke the Cup?” – “It’s a cat!” .
And not reproach. To deal with such a lie is very difficult. In this age, the child receives information and learns very active. As examples of lies that can bring personal benefit, around plenty. Lie the characters in your favorite cartoons, peers in kindergarten and school, and, unfortunately, sees the child and parent a lie. Mostly small things, but still untruths spoken by those closest to him. The recipe challenge this lie can only be one: to be with the child is very honest and to nip in the Bud any attempt by his lies.
False juvenile: cynical and convincing
Years with 8 brilliantly knows how to lie the majority of children. Most parents resent the fact that the child is lying honestly look them in the eye .
– What else? You want the child lied, blushing, stammering and down Dale? In this lies no sense, and your child knows it. Moreover, he has a good teacher: you are always honest with your son or daughter? – asks a rhetorical question the doctor. – In addition, the child at this age for many of its mysteries and secrets, which is not very much and will share with parents. And the older is becoming a little person, the harder it will be to respond to attempts to invade his life and personal space. To attempt such an invasion, he will respond with lies.
To deal with teenage lie – no easy task. The psychiatrist advises parents to ensure that the teenager is the maximum psychological comfort of the house. “Don’t want to face the lies – don’t provoke him,” says the doctor. The child must be sure that its any secret told to you in a flood of revelation, will not leave the walls of your home. But don’t be banal, no need to frighten the child by the fact that any lie sometime disclosed. The fact that you know perfectly well that is not any, and he knows it, too. Therefore, trying to wean the baby from lying, you lying to themselves.
Very helpful to stimulate the sincerity of the children of our trust – try to identify the scope of activities of the child, which he would act completely independently, and do not try to control it. Control soon found out, the child will understand that his parents trust him only partially, however, claim otherwise. Therefore the parents are lying. So, lying is acceptable.
A lie is primarily the protection of the weak from the strong: parents, teachers, crowds. If the child started lying, look for the cause outside, first analyze your relationship with your son or daughter.
How to live without lying?
Dr. Ippolitov very simply answered this question: no.
True very versatile, concealment of the truth – this is also a lie. To speak the truth to us, for many reasons, every day. Doctors lie to patients, protecting their state of mind. Lying to teachers. Daily lying to our children. Deceiving superiors and subordinates superiors – subordinates. Well, what about such trivial, as a “white lie”? But imagine a diplomat without a shadow of deceit? Unfortunately, lying is almost the backbone of modern communication style.
The child is forced to live in two very different worlds – the world of children and the adult world. Accordingly, he is forced to adjust and under those, and others that fragile psyche is very difficult.
Pathological lying is when a child (and adult too) constantly comes up with completely distorted reality. A pathological liar feels pleasure from the process of misrepresentation. In this case, one lie begets another. Pathological lying is often unjustly and permanently. In this case, you can only give one piece of advice is to go with the child to a specialist. Pathological lying can be a symptom of some mental disorders.
And some classics
The famous American Professor of psychology who teaches at the University of California, Paul Almansa – a great expert on lie – once faced with the fact that his son is a teenager lied to him big by staging a noisy party at a time when parents weren’t home. This prompted the Professor to write the book “Why children lie?” (Russian edition translated by S. Stepanova, under the editorship of V. Magun and M. Jamgochian). Besides writing books, he hooked his entire family, including his wife and teenage son.
His wife Mary Ann recommends first of all try to understand that parents want and believe it is mandatory to know about the life of a teenager, and what they can accept as a manifestation of his independence. If an adult learns to properly perceive the words of a child “it’s personal” will disappear, many reasons to lie.
And here is what he wrote in his Chapter the teenager: “B! Kids will lie to you, until death do you part. To avoid this it is impossible”.