Unconditional love?

i“Blizzard” is about unconditional love, as if, once again coming into fashion, depriving the rest of particularly sensitive and sverkhsvetovykh moms.

My idea is not original, but not universally. It is that unconditional love, most likely, does not exist. If a person is able to love unconditionally, then it is either Holy (without irony!), or just prone to self-deception. In the first case I would like this person to meet and become his apprentice. True! I really want to achieve the degree of enlightenment, when you know how to love. But such people I have not seen. I suspect that they do not. But from time to time meet somebody declares the importance of such love and denounces all, it is capable of.Oddly enough, most often the sounding nonsense broadcast psychologists or educators, or – especially – teachers-psychologists. And suffer from it, most often they are the same. And their children.

Why suffer? Because, trying to hide herself from unwanted feelings (type of hatred for the child), the mother becomes tense, unnatural and disturbing. The child feels unmistakably that something was wrong, but because feelings are not named and not defined by the mother, the child cannot understand what is happening, but feels anxiety. His own anger and rage regarding unsatisfactory relationship with her mother nowhere to place because the mother is unable to containerwith them. Guilt (autoaggressive), isolation and alienation from ourselves, outbursts of blind rage, redirection of anger, fear or hatred on third party items, psychosomatics is a frequent manifestation of suppressed hatred.Does this mean that I teach hatred to their children? Of course not! A good mother is one that reflects their feelings and know how to solve it, and not lose the ability to care of their child, despite the destructive emotions. And transmits to the child that you can love even when angry and hate.Too good (or even perfect) mother is as bad (if not worse?) mother bad. As said Winnicott, the mother should be “good enough”.

Here is how Winnicott writes about why the mother has the right to hate his child:”the Mother begins to hate his child from the beginning. Freud believed that the mother under certain conditions can feel only love for his son; however, we may doubt it. We know about a mother’s love and recognize its reality and power. Let me try to indicate the reasons why the mother hates her child, even if it’s a boy.

The child is not her own (mental) concept.

The child — not only from her childish game, he’s a baby, and the baby brother, etc.

The child was born not by magic.

The child is a threat to the mother’s body during pregnancy and childbirth.

Child — interference in the personal lives of the mother and call her.

To a greater or lesser extent, the mother feels that her own mother had felt the need for the child and that her child reflects the requirement of her mother.Child damage the mother’s nipples even while sucking, which is the manifestation of chewing activity.He’s a ruthless, treats her as a tyrant, it is his powerless servants, a slave.She loved it, highlight it and everything associated with him until he starts to argue with her about himself.

He was trying to hurt her, occasionally beats her.He shows his disappointment in her.His Horny love — selfish love; so getting what he wants; he wants to kick it like a orange peel.The child should dominate at first, must be protected against any accidents, life must obey his wishes, and all it requires from the mother’s constant and detailed knowledge. For example, it should not be alarming when holding him in my arms.The child should know not only that she has to do for him or what she sacrifices for him. And first of all he should not call her hatred.He’s suspicious, refuses her good food, causing her not to trust herself, but eats well when aunt feeds him.

After a terrible morning, I was with him, she pulled away from him and he’s smiling at a stranger, who says, “Well isn’t he cute?”.If she ever forgets it, he knows that he will repay her in kind.It excites her, but frustrare: she can’t eat it or use for sex.I think that in the analysis of psychotics and in the final stages of analysis, even a mentally healthy person, the analyst must maintain the position similar to the position of a mother to her newborn child. Deeply regressive, the patient is not able to identify with the analyst or to agree with his point of view, just as the fetus or newborn is unable to sympathize with the mother.A mother can hate her child, not showing it on the outside. She can’t show him their hatred, fearing to do something wrong, she can’t naturally do not hate it, when a child is hurting her, she retreats to the masochism. I think here lies the source of the false theory of the nature of masochism in women. The most remarkable feature of the mother — her willingness to incur some damage from your child, to be sufficiently hated them, being not entitled to repay the same, and its ability to wait for rewards that may not come. Maybe she finds some support in sing it children’s songs, like her child, but the meaning of which he, fortunately, does not understand.

On top of a tree, Bayu-Bayu, baby,

Blowing, the wind blows, shaking the crib,

About to crack branch — cradle will fall,

With the crib — baby, baby — all-all-all.

I think of the mother (or father) who play with a small child; the child is happy with the game and doesn’t know what parent in your own words expresses hatred, and, may be, in terms of the tribal symbolism. Sentimentality for the parents, in fact it denies the hatred and sentimental mother is, from the point of view of the child, not good at all. I doubt that the child in the process of development is able to fully withstand his hatred, being in a sentimental setting. He needs hatred in response to hatred”

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