The Technique How to help your child
Many kids are afraid of something, someone… How do these constant fears that are the basis for many life.
“… Come grey little wolf and bite at the flank,” the mother sings a lullaby, and then is surprised when he hears from a child :”I’m scared!”. Together, let us understand, what are the causes of fear from our children and how to deal with them.
In the first place . children learn fears from us, parents. If mom is afraid of dogs, there’s a very high chance that the child will be afraid of them. The same applies to fear of thunderstorm and lots more. The children of anxious mothers, ready all around to see the potential danger for your kid grow up to be ultra-cautious and fearful. And all because at every step mum warns: “Caution! Machine! Attention! Dog! Caution. “And the child becomes accustomed to living in anxiety, subconsciously, all the time expecting some danger.
Secondly . children’s fears and generates excessive parental care. The child growing in greenhouse conditions, it’s very difficult to adjust to life without “protective suit”, and he is everywhere begin to haunt danger, and on this basis, there are fears. A child’s opportunities to learn about the world through trial and error, aspiration everywhere “to curry favor with him straws” to hurt (both literally and figuratively), and contribute to the emergence of fears.
Another source of fear is directly associated with how parents treat the child. If we often yell at the child, and he is unable to understand his guilt, in his soul gradually emerging hostility to us. Because he would like us to continue to love, he “takes” his fear on other people, objects or situations. The problem lies in the fact that fear is able to move from one Association to another and expand. So, if a child, particularly a very little, make painful injections vitamin “B”, then first he will be afraid of the syringe, then the men in white coats, and ultimately to the clinic.
For most children the most unpleasant time, — the absence of parents at home. Kids feel abandoned, helpless. The usual bathroom things and without adults “begin” to live a life of its own, become different. It happens at night. In the darkness, revealing some dark, secret side of life curtains and cupboards, clothes on the hanger and strange, neopisyvaemyh of items, which the child had not noticed before. If mom went to the store, some children even in the daytime afraid to move in his chair, till she comes. (Remember the boy from the film “the adventures of Yellow suitcase”?)
Home world is the child’s own experiences and fantasies attached to things and people that inhabit the house. You can never be anticipated, what exactly in the world will be home for the baby the most important. What will remain in his memory and will affect the future life.
Inside the room, apartment or house the child selects a favorite place where he plays, dreams, wants, dreams and meditating (Yes). It turns out that this is common to almost all children. Going to bed, someone’s staring at a spot on the ceiling that resembles the head of a bearded uncle, someone- the Wallpaper pattern reminiscent of funny little animals, and something comes up about them. Any weakening of parental protective field, which should be securely envelop the child, is it anxiety and sense of impending danger will easily break through the thin shell of the physical home and reach it. It turns out that for the child the presence of loving parents seems more durable cover than all door locks.
The subject of security at home and terrible fantasies a reality for virtually all children of a certain age. It is reflected in the children’s folklore (Russian fairy tale “Geese and swans”); in a traditional scary stories, orally transmitted from generation to generation (“…close the Windows and doors, white flies (black) sheets”); in the works of famous writers (“the Ghost of the castle of Morrisville”).
Actually, the tale is a wonderful opportunity for your child to model his own life. Not coincidentally, all children’s tales that come from the depth of centuries, inherently good, moral, fair (“Vasilisa the Beautiful”, “Finist the Falcon”, even “Baba Yaga” is a terrible outside, good inside). They sort of outline for the child contours of conduct, following which it will be successful and effective, as a person. Of course, saying “successful”, we mean not only personal and career outline as well as mental balance.
The baby must be tell tale, where he, along with the hero wins, he wanted to live this situation wins. Another tip that will be useful: imagine Mary Poppins from a famous book Englishwoman P. L. Travers “Mary Poppins”. He was to dramatically shift the child’s attention and fix it on any particular subject of reality, making something quickly and responsibly to do. Often Mary draws the child’s attention on his own bodily self. Thus, she tries to return to the floating body knows where the soul of the pupil: “comb your hair, please!”; “You again laces are undone!”; “Go wash your face!”; “Look, how is your collar?”. The child switches, and fears disappear.
The fears of young children often have so little in common with reality that adults almost always say “no big deal”. If your child is afraid, not dismiss, do not fret and do not in any way Studite child for fear. Explain to him that it is normal that he is afraid. This in some situations is much more important than just to distract the baby.
If fear is already torturing the baby, its cold, the disclosure in the drawing and the game that spawned fear. Draw together a “terrible person”, monsters, Goblin, but then make it funny. You can draw a smile, paint a flower, a sun in the picture add. Let the kid himself will draw myself near them, but armed himself, brave and invincible. And objects of fear will lose its threatening essence. The fire in the picture goes off under water pressure which he, the child, the firefighter’s helmet, douses the flames. Forest good populated animals and humans. In it the path and on the path mom and dad. And the forest is no longer there.
If your child is afraid of ghosts — the play “ghosts”. The game — the best psychotherapy. Playing, you can chase the wolf with a gun. And now the wolf is afraid, apologizes for his antics. In the game, and you can be a wolf, swamp monster, the Serpent-dragon, to scare mom and grandmother, to laugh at their fear. Laughter kills fear. Obviously, in the game, as in the ancient rite, fear overcome symbolic action when a terrible defeat, turning it into a scary, funny.
Wisdom and foresight, love and kindness you protect from fears their child. The kid should know that you are always near, always come to his aid, if needed.