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Every man is a transitional being, which every act or work out psychological problems of their parents, or passes them on to their children. Moreover, it should be understood that the speech in this case goes about the transfer of subconscious programs that the parents themselves determine the age of which a person has no conscious memories. Most people don’t notice it happening, so one German writer has called this process a secret Treaty generations. Parents have no idea how authoritative for the child at an early age by their words and actions. The child in his judgment about the world that possesses a critical mind, so all he has to say about the world, becomes a truth, which he takes in the system of his beliefs and can take through life. But what seems true parents, lived all his life in poverty is likely to be severely limit someone who wants to become rich. In childhood, we often find ourselves in situations where we feel powerless against the mighty giants – parents; therefore, at the age of three, apparent harmless, methods of education, as the control, regulation, criticisms and censure,are for a child is very significant. And coercion, deprivation of autonomy, manipulation through guilt and shame are far-reaching.
Is there a parent who did not abuse their power against a child?
How often do children hear: “No!”, “Don’t touch!”, “Don’t walk”. This is due, undoubtedly, to the safety of the child, but the bans from the necessary security tool has become a tool of manipulation for a more comfortable status of the parents. Much easier to shout ‘ Stop!’ sitting in a chair than to stand up and help overcome the child a dangerous obstacle. Easier to shout “don’t touch!”, than to come and spend efforts on the introduction of the child with an interesting object, such as scissors. Psychologists estimate that the average family child daily and gets 460 is negative, critical or limiting comments, and only 75 positive and approving. Soon the growing human body produces the reflex of uncertainty in their relations with the surrounding world.
Sometimes bans are accompanied spanking or words: “You are a bad (bad)!”, “I’m not friends with you!”. And expressions like “I’m not your mother!”, “I don’t love you!” or “If you do not do (or will do) – I’ll go!”, can be considered sadistic. For baby loss mom is a small death, her dislike is the strong emotional pain, and manipulation through fear of pain is a threat of torture. How does this affect the child? Produced reflex of anxiety and guilt .
I once went to son in kindergarten at a Christmas party where the children read to parents poem in the English language. They were only five years old, some were lost or wrong, and all the adults perceived it as pretty sight. One boy, came out on stage, too, hesitated, and at that time, his mother shouted: “If you don’t read, I’ll go!”. You should have seen what fear reflected on his face! Naturally, in such a state he could not remember a single word, and his mom is really gone. The rest of the time, while the children danced and sang songs, his face looked like a wax mask. It automatically did everything together with everyone, but it is actually absent. He was almost unconscious. For him it is not just the episode that will be forgotten. All will be recorded in the unconscious, and this state will periodically return in adult life when dialing certain testimonialsi factors. Fear of rejection, embodied in the person of similar episodes that will lead to the fact that in adult life he would seek to avoid situations in which you might be rejected. Therefore, a man is afraid to show signs of attention to the woman, the Manager is afraid to offer the goods to the buyer, and the fathers in some families are afraid to have an opinion. Shyness serves as protection from danger to put yourself at risk of rejection, since it is subconsciously associated with strong emotional pain. Especially affect the formation of negative programs any kind of rejection at age one and a half years, when there is a strong symbiotic relationship with the mother. For example, some parents mistakenly believe that the best way to wean the baby to cry at night, it is not to indulge him. Again I will scream, another scream, and when you realize that screaming is useless, will cease. But if this happens in the psyche of the child remains the recorded state of abandonment, uselessness and inability to control reality, which at the moment of his life is almost all focused on parents. It is proved that the petulance of children at an older age is the frustration that has come out of infancy. The feeling of uselessness, loneliness, neurotic lust for love in adulthood there is a play of the senses, long ago driven into the unconscious. The child’s need for proximity does not mean that closeness to impose, because a year and a half begins biologically manifest a need to expand living space, and there must be reasonable to support simultaneous child’s desire for intimacy and freedom. Great influence on the formation of the psyche has the correct schooling to cleanliness. The child needs to explain what he wanted, but parents should understand that mastering control over the administration of natural needs takes time. Therefore, excessive demands and haste, pressure through threats and punishments, criticism and pristerene give the child only a sense of worthlessness, a deep faith in their own strength and remorse for his organic, existing as a given, the failure to satisfy the closest people on earth. This feeling is projected on the condition of the person and assess their opportunities in life.
It is necessary to tell and about the methods of suppression of children’s aggressiveness. Aggressiveness is one of the most important tools of biological evolution and inherent in every being. The aggressiveness of several functions, among them protective. It also provides and the ability to compete and survive and can be targeted creative force. Instead it is reasonable to allocate this property is in the right direction and teach the child to consciously control it, the adults all the forces suppress this quality, often with the help of retaliatory aggression. In this approach there is a conflict in which the child feels powerless; there the intolerable situation of helplessness. To avoid emotional pain, it is necessary to displace into the unconscious. Moving the children’s psyche is doing it with success, but repressed in the unconscious pain always has an obsessive desire for repetition. She says, “I’m not gone, I’m inside you, I destroy you from the inside out, I want out”. When the pain returns, the man has two ways to drive this unbearable feeling back either discharge it on someone weaker. After the violent suppression of aggression cannot be expressed constructively, it remains destructive, inadequate for biological survival of the form. Hence the tyranny in the family, the passion for destruction and cruelty in the state of alcoholic intoxication.
It is possible to suppress the aggressiveness and guilt. For example, if a child is hit mother, she leaves and says, “I will not come, you’re not my son”. If the boy will believe it, when he is alone he can experience the horror together with the guilt. It is a painful feeling pushed into the unconscious, becomes hypnotic program. Such a program will never allow to show him aggression in life. In the future any attempt to act in defense of its interests will cause an overwhelming sense of fear and guilt.
Needless to say, that in adult life it will be a miserable person and a total loser.
Many wrecked lives is laid from a misunderstanding of children’s sexuality and their own parent inferiority in this area. The child came out from the womb; therefore, he strives to maximize the closeness with the mother, and the social norms he is interested in the least. Everyone knows how relieved the child, clinging to her mother and hugging her neck. This is a partial return to the calming state of oneness, which he lost after birth. The relationship between parents and children always painted eroticism. The contradictions between social norms and natural children’s sexuality in a hundred years are the number one topic in psychoanalysis. The subject is multifaceted and controversial, it requires a serious unbiased research. We are using this theme will only try to reveal the mechanism such thing as a “double message”.