OUR FAVORITE KIDS
Spoiled brat – spoiled by indulgence, sissy. And pampering is relevant to anyone with unwanted attention, pandering to all the desires and whims. That usually mean by spoiled? Put “spoiled” often imply a lack of manners. Meanwhile, in the interpretations, there is no word about “bad manners”. Indeed, emotional instability, whims, unwillingness to listen and hear parents, lack of autonomy, self-centeredness, inability to build relationships with other children – this is not a complete list of “symptoms” that can be called spoiled. If you look at this phenomenon broadly, we can say that spoiled children are children who have not set boundaries are. Such a child is difficult to fit into the game peers, safely pass showcase with toys or heed the words of the parents – the child has no relevant skills.
Thus, placed in one row concepts: the spoiling, pampering and rude. Accordingly, if given to the child too much attention, then definitely he will be spoiled. When building such a chain there is a substitution of concepts. What do you mean “unwanted attention”?
In his desire not to spoil the child, parents can show the wonders of ingenuity. For example, if the child is wet, and to roll over or crawl yet maybe some parents can push the baby in a dry place, and take him in her arms with this approach, not every time he wet himself, and only every fourth.
Another parenting dilemma: to communicate with the child or whether it should itself take?
Meanwhile, the development of any child is only through adult and with adult. We all know about child Mowgli. Children who have not heard the first few years of their life human speech, not having contact with people, subsequently can not master it fully, nor to learn a full-fledged communication. Before the child can say a word, he will hear it many times from my mother, I will repeat it in their bird language, enjoying my mother’s admiration regarding his babble.
There are times when adults become irritated from contact with children, even if they behave fine.
For example, my mother talking on the phone. The child before the mother started to call, minding my own business. But as soon as mom pick up the telephone, as the child begins to show her mom her achievements:
– Mom, look how cool, I learned how to do push-UPS today at practice!
– Well done, son!
– Mom, look how well I can get the bridge!
– M-m-m, Yes, son, you see!
– Mom, you’re not looked!
– I’m for you to show, look carefully!
– M-m-m, see, son, this is great!
– Go to your room! Can’t you see I’m on the phone!
– Go to your room!
The cause of the conflict lies in the fact that child require mom’s attention in unacceptable for her: during important or interesting to her phone conversation. Good prevention of such children’s beliefs is the attention given to the child without his request: just.
In our case, the mother could sign to ask to go and hug his hero, so much already has learned, thus showing that she is near, sees and feels his achievements, proud of them. After staying with my mom next few minutes, the child most likely would have sped their business, having received his portion of attention. In addition to the “spoiled” and “pampering”, there is also the concept of “minion”. Who is this “minion”? The minion – man indulge, which everyone is indulging. The figurative meaning of this word is “one who in all lucky, lucky”. Another minion of fortune.
They bathe in the parent account, welcome and loved in any of its manifestation. Pets often receive gifts, but not because they demand it, but because the giver is doing it from the heart, from a desire to do something nice. Pets – those who loved not for their successes, but simply because they are.
How to grow your not a spoiled child, but minions? Where is the line between freedom and permissiveness, equitable claims and dictatorship and the suppression of the child’s personality?
Building your relationships with people, it is important for the child to feel where it ends his identity and the identity of another begins. It is therefore important to introduce a child to the desires and interests that are not limited exclusively to family interaction.
Asking child a certain framework, introducing the notion of “possible” and “impossible”, we, actually, thus facilitating their lives. It is important that “impossible” was not the most frequently spoken word in the address of the child. Let “no” be little, but these prohibitions are clear and unchanged. Sensitive leadership adult baby favor – he learns to control his emotions, to respond appropriately to life’s difficulties, his identity is formed in accordance with the principle of reality, not fantasy confidence in their own omnipotence, is able to grow into the future in megalomania. To say “no” to a child is not as difficult as it may seem.
Sometimes idea how to communicate with the child, interfere with close trust-based dialogue with the child.
Mom’s three year old child came to the consultation with a complaint: the child can not hear the failure – immediately launches into a tantrum. A typical situation: the child asks for candy, mom refuses, the child hysterics.
In a detailed analysis of the situation revealed that the child is weaned, the diet has since never recovered: the child is very small and irregular eating, mom this situation is very troubling. Therefore, when a child asks before eating the candy, mom, having a strong belief that sweet before eating will negatively affect and so far the ravenous appetite of the son. The child is frightened and begins to cry, he did not understand where such an emotional outburst in response to a normal request, and to ask my mom because of age yet. Mom just had to say:
– Sasha, I can’t give you the candy now, because you are concerned about your tummy, it seems to me that after the candy you will be hard to eat soup. Let’s first feed the tummy soup, and then the candy!
Surprise mother had no boundaries, when a child, getting to your question about the candy this answer, nodded and quietly went about their business. To “Fess up” any such situation, you need:
1. To draw attention to the fact that some of the interactions leads to failures in communication (the baby cries in response to failure).
2. To answer the question: what do I tell the child his remark? What I want to tell? The only issues seem to be duplicative, careful analysis of their actions and intentions is almost always possible to detect a mismatch.
3. Realizing the situation for themselves, to articulate their vision for the child without emotional manifestations and assessments.
So, spoiled child does not parental attention, and a lack of timely raised borders. Imagine the child is Your best friend, with their interests and needs, and communicate with him as with a friend.