How to survive a child’s separation from parents.
Divorce for a child is always a very traumatic experience. We, as parents, can’t have a breakup so that it did not affect the child’s psyche. No matter how parents try to soften the impact of divorce on children, there was always gonna be some negative consequences of this situation. Of course, this does not mean that the way out of this situation – “will be together for the sake of the child”. Is better to know what effect it may have on children divorce and how to ease its effects.
The effects of divorce on children under 3 years
During this period you may experience:
Early divorces (up to five years after the wedding) happening more and more often. As a result, more young children are witnessing the breakup of their parents. What a child at the age of 12-18 months is not yet able to Express their emotions, doesn’t mean he couldn’t feel and also does not mean that you will not feel the negative effects of divorce – even if the father is not too much present in his life.
Task development of a child up to 3 years is the study of the world around him. The more secure the child feels in your own home and with their parents, then boldly explores the world, looks at him with trust and are more willing to join with him in the interaction. The child can safely explore the world in the future will be confident in yourself, brave and optimistic. During this period, the child also needs routine – defined, repetitive actions that make up his world and make it so that the child feels safe. Divorce not only creates chaos to the routine of adult life is also the result of disorders in the divorce), but also robs the baby a sense of security. One parent disappears and the child cannot be confident that the other parent also will not disappear. As a result, the child who does not know how else to Express their concerns and fears, begins to show his emotions behavior, characterized by a heightened sense of fear or nervous hyperreactivity.
During this period you may experience:
the child often and tightly clings to the remaining parent.
Exacerbation of any of these symptoms indicates that the child is going through a very bad divorce and need help in the process of passing through this situation.
The impact of divorce on children – 3-5 years
The child at this age are already able to Express their feelings – in this period formed by the child “emotional climate” depends on what the environment will be for him. Will he he look so nice and friendly or hostile and full of danger – it is a vision of the world will be of great importance for the whole life of the child and his maturity.
From the point of view of threats, in the period between 3 and 5 years – this is the hardest and worst time to divorce. At this time, the baby also creates a vision of sexuality and its models based on sex. Therefore, when you lose one parent, this vision may be impaired. Fortunately, the psychological mechanisms of the child, allow him to “choose from among” another person who will serve him by the sample (in the case of their father’s passing, such a man can become an uncle, grandfather or neighbor).
Remember also that this period – it’s for the baby time of egocentrism. The child thinks of himself as the center of the world, the most important being in the universe – so it’s easy attributes to himself the blame for the divorce of her parents. It is important, therefore, to explain this situation to the child. However, we cannot stop only to explain words. The child must understand and accept the fact that he is not guilty. So you need to ask him about how he understands the situation and what happened.
Frequent reactions of children at this stage of development:
Denial (manifested as ignoring messages about divorce and nervous reactions to the situation of divorce).
Low self-esteem (caused by the guilt and feelings so that the child is unloved).
Huge need for approval from parents (and often also all around – so if the child attends kindergarten, is to report the divorce to the tutor and to prepare him for the possible reactions of a child, asking for help in easing the effects of separation).