Blind parental love
We begin to love their children even before their birth. Imagine what will become parents, read the smart log and listen to the advice of experienced moms. When the baby is born, the love for him increases many times. And in return we expect the same. They say that love is never too much. And here it happens. How not to “perlubie” of the child and not to spoil the excessive love of the little man?
It happens that the child becomes the raison d’être of his parents. To some extent it should be, after all, giving birth to the baby, you have taken responsibility for his life and destiny. He is a bad parent who care for their duties, impulsive in matters of education and relies on others or nature: “something will grow!”.
Yes only has dire consequences, and at the other extreme sacrifice. The mother puts on the family altar their lives, sacrifice their children’s interests. Her motives are noble: “My child needs to have everything that wasn’t from me, I will put as much of his love and attention, so he was happy.” But, a mother’s sacrifice is the basis of the neurotic state of deep depression and inability to make right accents.
Giving birth to a child or family, his mother shows him in the first place dislike for yourself, disregard their rights and interests. Analysts point to the hidden destructiveness of such conduct. And it is not surprising that such a mother in the end does not receive recoil. Or a baby grows the same “obligated”, but miserable.
Lesson of true love and respect can only teach those parents who love not only children but also themselves. The child should not become the sole focus of attention and concern in the family, at least after 2 years. In the spotlight right from the point of view of family psychology, relationships must be mom. She cares about everyone and everything, because of the possibility of taking care of her.
Psychologists have long deduced this formula: “Love, care about, care about those we love”. The love and respect between parents and children is not limited by blood. Means everyday work. The love a parent will give the child a sense of security, support in life, makes him more confident. If the baby is loved, he will be able to love. Here are just worrying about your children, don’t forget to teach them to care about you and other family members. Generally, caring for others is the highest form of human existence. Do not expect children who are accustomed only to get the attention and care, some manifestations of tenderness in the future. Teach them to give and to sacrifice, otherwise, neither you nor they will not be happy.
Blind parental love makes the child idol, his whims meekly indulge, glorify, and thus form the little man inadequate self-esteem. Zaglublennyy the child grows up selfish, requiring exceptional attention and care. He takes care of himself and the manifestation of your love as due. While the adults indulge the child, he was affectionate, when there are prohibitions – becomes rough. This creates conflicts with peers, problems in the team, misunderstanding with parents. Demanding of others and kind to yourself – this is the type of the child, spoiled with love and care of family. Life will eventually force him to remove the rose-colored glasses and look at yourself realistic look, but at what cost?
There is another side of everlube – criticality and high standards. Parents are confident that their child is the smartest and talented. And, therefore, trying to prove it to others, and ourselves. But if the baby suffer setbacks, parental disappointment – a direct path to children’s neuroses. The most important thing in education – your assessment of what is happening. The child sees themselves, their actions only through your eyes and words. So, once again did not meet the expectations of mothers and fathers is one of the greatest children’s subconscious fears. Over time this will lead to fear not to meet the expectations of society, that is, paralysis of will, creativity and the inability to build their lives according to their interests and desires, but only as “necessary”.
Blind love inhibits the development and the child and parent. How do you want to save daughter or son from problems for him to solve conflicts, to make his life as comfortable and serene, bring all “on a platter”. As they like to say today’s parents – “to give the child everything.” This is very misleading. He doesn’t have everything. It is necessary to give only the basics for a good start at any age, to teach them independence and to help in solving problems. Become for children source of advice and support, but do not try to live their lives instead of them. And we are not talking about the adult period, and about two-three kids. Help to dress, but do not wear lying on the couch toddler. Take in the sandbox with three scoops, so that the child can share, not fighting for their property or sought the protection of the mother. Demonstrate the five-year period the contents of the purse, and explain what and how much you can (or can’t) buy in the store. Allow the student to choose the club or the sports section, talk about the weekend or holiday. The child absorbed the parent Sverdlovo spared the need to resolve any problematic situations as these decisions or offered already finished, or reached without his participation. Eventually the child is deprived of his ability to overcome difficulties, and even soberly evaluate them. It simply does not acquire ability to mobilize its energy in difficult moments, he is waiting for help. For such a person any obstacle in life will seem insurmountable.